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So I hear anyways. I have an officemate on the phone with her boyfriend and another stretched out taking a nap. So blogging it is! At least for another 20/30 minutes.

So yes, this blog thing. I really do need to be more present with it. But I find myself scribbling at home with my journal and my sharpies and my multicolored pens (I’m still 13, I swear) and it just seems… easier. I’m being psuedo anon here and its harder than I thought. Because having blogged in the past, it always seems to come out. I guess I’m lucky that most of my friends don’t really read blogs or blog or get the whole concept of it? But I also feel like I miss out and that if I was around more people who wrote, I’d find myself writing more. Kind of that whole – surround yourself with people you admire type thing.

But at least I’m writing. Or scribbling, even if it is other people’s quotes who then inspire me on tangents that meander along for 3-4 pages. See what I’m saving you from!?

Brief Update: Still at same job (still kinda loving it). Was able to take on some more responsibility and realized exactly how much I could love it. Definitely not meant to be a cubical monkey, but if I have to put my time in here, so I can get out there. Well, I definitely will do this. I haven’t felt this excited for something in ages. I can be really good at my job – now it just becomes making sure that I follow through with this.
NiceGuy and I broke up. Again. But this time for real. I don’t know if I finally came to my senses or he did, but… as much as I wanted him to be PerfectForMe, he was just GoodForMe. Still necessary given some of the winners I’ve picked in the past, but I couldn’t… I just couldn’t keep beating on the locked door to let me in. Two years man. Thats a helluva long time and if you’re not in the comfort zone by then? You’re probably never going to get there. So. I’m learning to let go. Thats kind of my lesson for 2010. In with the good, and out with the bad.

That lesson is wicked hard for me, I moved around a lot as a kid, so I’ve never really had to deal with leaving people (while still in the same proximity to them). And I’m… well, I’m discovering I’m a little bit of a doormat. I agree to plans with people because they want to see me, not because I want to see them. And I’m a sucker for people when they come around – which brings me back to NiceGuy. Tho its been almost a month, I haven’t heard from him. Due to some internal changes within our group, we no longer fall together like we used to. That being said, I’m sure that we will start to in the spring again and I’m sure that there will be some regrets and some looks and probably some flirting. But I’m counting on myself (and my girlfriends where needed) to keep me from going back. If at 35 (almost 36), after 2 years with me he can’t see what I need and how compromises are needed? Not the guy for me. I do deserve someone who is as swoony over me as I am over them, and who notes the little things that I like.

So fortunately, no accidents causing harm to my person have occurred lately (its been like 3 months – WRITE THIS DOWN). But with the holidays and the rents being in town, then traveling pretty much the entire month of January – I found myself farther and farther away from this blog.

We’ll give this another shot (this is what the seventh incarnation?). Maybe this one will stick.


Half of my co-workers are pregnant.

I make that impressive, but my “department” consists of four people. So 2 of them are pregnant. 2 were engaged, but one broke it off. That leaves 2 crazy single people.

But, by proxy, we get to go through pregnancy – they crave ice cream? We all get it! They want to determine the sex of their child via the needle test? We all try.

The needle test is as follows. Thread a needle, about 10 inches of thread. Do not tie. Hold the needle above your left hand, palm down. Hit the needle in the web of your thumb & forefinger twice. Not like a pendulum, just tap it.

Then turn your palm over and let the needle settle and hold steady above the center of your palm. It will take a few moments for it to move. Eventually it will start to move either back and forth or in a circle. If you wait, the motion might change.
Back and forth – boy
In a circle – girl

My test came out boy, followed quickly by a girl. So my needled paused for awhile, then moved back and forth, then switched to circle.

I quit then, because I really only want two kids.

NOT that I have any intention of having children anytime soon. Hell, I’ve just finally gotten to the point where I am even remotely open to the idea of the R-word.

It’s been over two years since the Ex and I have broken up. Admittedly, we had a relapse last year. And I’ve dated, slept with, fooled around, gotten numbers, even had two guys say “I love you”. And I’ve not emotionally connected, not in the same vein as the Ex, with any of them. (Don’t worry, those stories will come) I’ve been fond of several, and wanted more. But with the Ex there was always an unspoken bond. We were each other – just male/female. I was a little younger, he had some learning to do. But I thought we would grow together. It’s 4 years later and hes still the same person he was when we started dating.

I’ve recently cut him out of my life, blocked him on the infamous myspace, deleted him from my email, blocked him from the phone & instant messaging. As best I can. I thought moving out of state would take care of it. It didn’t. So maybe this cut off of all contact will do it.

Especially as he always seems to pop up, JUST as I’m starting to move on, or reach another level with a relationship. I know I allow it, as it keeps me from having to move forward… or let someone else in.

But anyways – apparently. Eventually. Sometime down the road.
A Boy, then a Girl.


Its okay to believe in Prince Charming, but you have to believe in midnight too.

disarming (adj): tending to allay suspicion or hostility; winning favor or confidence siren (noun): a seductive or tempting woman, esp. dangerous or harmful