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Time to re-post and re-update my Life List – bday is coming up and I wanted to add some more things.

  1. Do Roller Derby
  2. Own at least 7 days of matching bras and panties
  3. Go skydiving (maybe this summer..)
  4. Finally learn Spanish. And brush up on my German, French & Italian.
  5. Visit Montreal and see a sunset.
  6. Send my parents on a trip
  7. Learn calligraphy
  8. Frame my g*d artwork – done! well partially, but at least the main ones I wanted framed are done!
  9. Visit Edinburgh for Hogmony
  10. Own a dog
  11. Write one of those strongly worded letters I’m always going on about.
  12. Teach a (my?) child to ride a bike / tie their shoes / blow a bubble
  13. Disconnect for a full week – no phone / net / tv
  14. Learn to knit – FINALLY
  15. See the pyramids at dusk – Orions Belt
  16. Surf in Byron Bay, Australia.
  17. Do the NYC thing: Empire State Building / Times Square / Central Park / Broadway / see an off Broadway show
  18. Hot air balloon ride (anywhere, tho definitely would like to do it over Iowa – where I first saw them)
  19. Road trip to the Grand Canyon – stopping at the tiny towns along the way (note: bring own sheets).
  20. Scuba dive – NOT in a pool or lake (preferably be certified)
  21. Plant (and keep up) an herb garden
  22. Make my own bread, routinely
  23. Sew curtains
  24. Travel to all of the places I have lived, again.
  25. Keep writing – even if just for myself, for the memories
  26. Surprise my mom on her birthday
  27. Surprise my dad on his birthday
  28. Learn to shoot a bow and arrow
  29. Throw an elaborate dinner party – in the woods, on a roof, someplace random.
  30. Take a photography class and finally learn what Fstop and ISO mean.
  31. Spend an entire day naked.
  32. Walk on hot coals (cliche? I’ll take it!)
  33. Run a mini-marathon in every state (Indiana – DOWN)
  34. Visit every state in the US.
  35. Hire a breakdancing bear
  36. Go to the top of a lighthouse.
  37. Do something utterly outrageous and grand in honor of a friend.
  38. See a rodeo
  39. Buy a beater Jeep – just old school, no top necessary.
  40. Full out decorate my bedroom – make it as awesome as I deserve.
  41. Write emails to some of the writers of blogs I read routinely – let them know they matter. Say… 10.  I’ll list em here.
  42. Catalog all my books (sound tedious? yep, but I guarantee I’ll pry love doing it. And love even more having them all on there!)
  43. Learn glassblowing.
  44. Join a wine club. – done! did this just the past Friday.
  45. Take a weekend away – high class hotel and spa. Indulge
  46. Take a weekend away – cabin in middle of nowhere. Preferably with a hot tub and write almost all weekend.
  47. Get a massage. I put it on here because I won’t do it for myself otherwise.
  48. Set up patio with lighting, more chairs and make it party-friendly.
  49. Strip and refinish grandmother’s writing desk.
  50. Buy a house.
  51. Rock an outrageous hat at the Kentucky Derby.
  52. Get a right-hand ring to celebrate paying off my student loans.
  53. Visit a black sand beach
  54. Go to Music Festivals: Bonnaroo, Rothbury, 10kLakes, Coachella, Red Rocks Concert, Lollapalooza
  55. Picnic in Yellowstone Park – picnic basket required. Yogi – optional
  56. Stomp grapes in Italy
  57. Host a movie festival for friends
  58. Watch a game at Wrigley from the bleachers

still in progress.

I now have internet at home. The possibility of this becoming a reguarly updated blog is exceedingly high.

However, at the moment I must enjoy my wrongly gotten gains and enjoy Willow. I think I have seen pieces, but never the whole thing.

Oh internets, how I’ve missed you

So in keeping with the whole break up because of a nonsense reason / realize I’m awesome and he misses me / starts coming back like a beaten puppy cycle….  – I’m back with NiceGuy. I’ll definitely do a more detailed post coming up (but its part of the reason I’ve been away for so long).

Other reasons include: my crashing of mah bike / throwing my back out / a good friend’s younger sister passing / spraining of the TOP of my foot (srsly?) and of course, the actual reunion of me and NiceGuy. For round 3. Thats right, we’ve done this twice before, but we’re (I’m?) doing it again. Because I’m a sucker for this guy.

So last Saturday was his and I’s first ‘Come to Jesus’ talk, where I had informed him we are either friends or we’re bf/gf. None of this pansy-footing around stuff anymore. Also, if we were bf/gf I wanted-slash-needed to get flowers. A gesture if you will, something that would show me he wanted a relationship this time, a real one that comes with talks of the future and dreams and plans and actual dates and some of the trappings of a typical relationship. Some. Not all. No babies or rings or any of that kind of talk, but… you know, someone to dream with. This is huge for me. I don’t want to have to edit myself. And I found myself doing that a lot in the last go-around, not wanting to rock the boat. Well… yeah, that didn’t last. See above, I like to throw myself into situations and rocking the boat, even if it means I come with copious injuries.

So a week and a half later, after our first fight (!!! – this is also HUGE people, I’m Italian, I need to fight, so one of my worries was that he was too nice and wouldn’t fight. He does. I threw things. He calmly explained his point. I ranted. He listened. And then we got to make up. *grin)  Annnnyways, turns out he ordered the flowers on Thursday. Its mid-day Tuesday and I’m still waiting. Recap of our convo below.

me: so pumpkin pookie snookums.NiceGuy: Don’t ever call me that me: =Dsnookums is so fun to type tho Hey, anyways, you said you ordered the flowers last thursday (and whats up with me only being able to type flowers as flwoers?), still nothing. Just wanted to let you knowNice Guy: You’ll get them on saturday [ed. note: he thinks he is being funny, as he knows I’m out of town this weekend – he is the one driving me to/from the airport]
me: *crickets
NiceGuy
: I think I can track the order…
me: its just, there is another building with a wicked similar address, and I wanted to check because: I, a- want the flowers and, b- got kinda worried that maybe they’ve just been delivered wrong? or just poofedNiceGuy: They haven’t been delivered yet so there’s a chance you’ll actually get them!What’s your name again? Hopefully I got it rightme: jackass.its Amber. duhwhere did you order flowers from? Siberia?!NiceGuy: AntarcticaVery rare flowers! You’ll have to keep them in the freezerme: was there an estimated delivery date? do i get to enjoy them before i leave for [redacted]? =Pi know you wanted surprise and all.NiceGuy: Yes. Yes[10 minutes later]NiceGuy: That’s weird. Someone sent me flowers. They were just delivered… me: i hate you so much.NiceGuy: They’re from me! I’m so sweetme: evil evil evilNiceGuy: You should get them today. UPS. Hopefully they aren’t mangledLast time I use 1800flowersme: yeah. just do a local florist NEXT TIME buddy❤ *mwah

Reminder men: always use a LOCAL florist when you’re trying to get the girl back.

I forget about this sometimes. I don’t mean to, I have the best intentions when it comes to writing.

But sometimes, at night, its easier to pull my written journal out of my inner pocket of my purse, and hand scribble. Its easier when I cry, if its handwritten. The water on the page, blurring the ink, makes it more real. How do you translate that effect to the typed page?

Maybe as I get older I feel I have less to share, less to justify feeling. When I started blogging, sophomore in college. There were no boundaries – I shared my writing and my experiences with everyone from strangers to family to friends, to people I hadn’t seen in 5 years. Now I’m more reticent. I write anonymously, knowing, one day, I will get the courage to share. With everyone.

Until then. There is this.

Its okay to believe in Prince Charming, but you have to believe in midnight too.

disarming (adj): tending to allay suspicion or hostility; winning favor or confidence siren (noun): a seductive or tempting woman, esp. dangerous or harmful

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brett dennen

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