You are currently browsing the monthly archive for August 2009.

Am not feeling like typing anything I said I was going to. So. Moving on.

Lollapalooza.

I went this year, first year. And it was totally worth it. Having now been to Rothbury / Bonnaroo / Lollapalooza, I have to say Bonn is at the bottom. They will have to have an AMAZING line up for me to go next year – I’d rather toss my money to the hippie fest at Roth and then go rock out at Lolla.

Even with the weather starting as cold / rainy / uninspiring – I saw some fabulous shows and made some awesome new friends. Though I will say that I often felt like the odd one out. Which is impressive given that I was staying with Carrots (as in she is Carrots and I’m Peas – we go together!). It was a mini reunion of sorts for her friends she studied with in London. All 3 of them live in Chicago or NY, and then there is me – semi-big city in MidWest. Not famous by any means, but not horrible either. Its cheap to live here, I can afford to go out drinking and have a car and indulge my shoe fetish when I wish. But I definitely felt… which one of these is not like the other.

So I did what I do, which is to say – I made friends whenever I could. Talked with strangers in line, on the L, on the bus, at the festival. And I shared what I could – sunscreen, water, shade. Its what you do. And that is part of what makes me who I am. Even though I definitely felt… well not looked down on, but they thought it was “cute” that I did that. Whatever, I find comfort in talking with strangers, identifying, even if just for a moment that you shared an experience with them. Be it a smashedclose L ride or an amazing concert.

So Fri/Sat/Sun all became a blur – a fantastic blur filled with some of the  people I love best in the world and some seriously great new music that I was so excited to see live and so close.

Shows I saw (so I can remember):

Friday: Bon Iver / Ben Folds / Fleet Foxes (!) / The Decemberists / Kings of Leon

Saturday: Gomez / Arctic Monkeys / Santigold / TV on the Radio / Ben Harper / Yeah Yeah Yeahs / Bassnectar

Sunday: Back Door Slam / Bat for Lashes / Portugal. The Man / Kaiser Chiefs / Vampire Weekend / Passion Pit / Cold War Kids / Snoop Dogg / Silversun Pickups / The Killers

It was exhausting and exhilarating and every time I sit down to write about these type of weekends, words fail me. Rothbury was probably one of the most profound instances I’ve ever had – just the combination of the company and the music and general fantasticness was great.

Lolla wasn’t quite there – but the music (and the ability to take showers every night and sleep in a real bed) was beyond amazing.

I took the bus home on Monday, sun-dazed and music-soaked. And back to the real world. I will say that these festivals reminded me of passion and creating and oh how I needed that wake up call.

Advertisements

They say before you can truly fall in love you have to have had at least two relationships.

One where you get your heart broken. And another where you break someone’s heart.

Now, I have several things to break down within that idea. What if you get your heart broken and also break someone’s heart at the same time. Cuz I’ve done that.

I’m sure I’ve bruised someone’s heart since and I know I’ve had mine bruised back. But as far as broken? There really was only the one. Its possible I just haven’t let anyone get that close since (possible, hell, I know its true). And the one I wanted to let that close showed little to no interest in scaling those walls and seeing whats behind. At least, not in the way I was used to seeing.

So that has left me here. 26 and with one great heartbreak. One great love.

Not saying I want to go back to that. I look back at that relationship and think, yeesh. We were over the top, absurd and insane about each other. To the point of exclusion of almost everything else (including my studies, whoops!). And it was glorious, while it lasted.

“And I loved him, Jesus how I loved him. It wasn’t love of course, even I can see now that it was infatuation, but at the time it near enough killed me. Its so passionate, so intense, so painful, that even years afterward you still feel the hurt when you hear their name.” – Jane Green, Straight Talking

After TheEx I went back to my old ways, dating around, finding guys who fit the niche that I need them (my sports guys / arty film guys / casual Saturday guys), until NiceGuy – we were just always hanging out together, even if he didn’t do my music or my artier stuff, we spent most time together. It was kind of natural that we fell the way we did.

Also natural that we fell apart the way we did. Its still hard. Its by no means as hard as TheEx – I couldn’t even bear to look at his picture / emails / blog / etc for over a year after he and I ended. NiceGuy, we’re doing the friends thing, or at least trying… Sometimes with his hair all mussed and still sleepy… it kills me to not lean over and plant one on him. Or nestle myself right into that crook where I know I’ll fit just so.

I really need to step up my game on this. I’ve already got a long list of more to post – and haven’t even finished my last list.

Its okay to believe in Prince Charming, but you have to believe in midnight too.

disarming (adj): tending to allay suspicion or hostility; winning favor or confidence siren (noun): a seductive or tempting woman, esp. dangerous or harmful

photographics