First just let me state, I rarely dream. Well, at least, I rarely *remember my dreams. Given all the scientific evidence – I’m sure I dream up a storm.
I mean, I have my stock pilot episodes of what will lull me to sleep; they normally involve John Mayer, deserted cabins, TheOne, world travel, and a library with always new-to-me books. Of course, not all at once, but now that I’ve typed it, why Haven’t I combined all those yet?
Anyways, [back to point] I rarely remember my dreams. And then normally only the ones from that twilight of soft morning, right before the alarm goes off and I start hitting snooze.
But last night, I had a night dream I can’t seem to shake. I woke up at three, and honestly was afraid to go back to sleep, I didn’t want to go back there.
There was flooding. Not just general, oops a li’ water in the basement flooding, but serious evacuate the city flooding. And not just in my City, but in BigCity to the north as well. Friends from BigCity were calling me wanting to know where PodunkVillage was because that was where they were being bused.
Meanwhile, I was frantic at home/driving home, figuring out where friends were, how to meet up, piling things into my car, trying to figure out how to fit everything important AND TheCat.
I was debating what to take out of my enormous collection of books, my bed (bought off an ex and recovered by me) of the dresser my parents gave me that was part of their wedding set, the writing desk that was my great-grandmothers. I eventually came to the conclusion, after fielding frantic phone calls from everyone [in hindsight it seems to have felt more like a tsunami was coming than a flood... no rain that I recall].
I decided to stay. I live on the second floor afterall. I’d grab my KitchenAid mixer and the cat and just baracade myself in the bathroom. All I can say is that is sounded like the best idea at the time. I woke up shortly after that… though I remember more frantic phone calls and eventually me driving to the bar where all the friends had decided to hole up and wait it out.
Flooding:
An emotional overflow, possibly repressed strong emotion
Failing to take charge of your life or circumstances over a long period of time
Evacuation:
isolating yourself and holding back emotions / feeling rejected by those around you.
More than applicable to my current life.
I’ve applied (and interviewed) for a job I want so badly I can taste it. Not because I need out of my current position (which I do, I’ve outgrown it), but also because I would OWN this new position. It would put me in a place where I can go back to school, I can actually have a concrete plan for my future – including this job, school, relocation. I know I’m banking so much on this position and I am terrified of not getting it. And all I can do is wait and see (NOT my philosophy).
Also, I’ve decided to cut my “WastingTime” Guy free. We were friends before we started sleeping together, and hopefully we’ll be able to be friends after as well. Only time will tell on that one as well. Which means I kinda have to distance myself from that group of friends. Just to let some time die down and not make it awkward for everyone (mostly myself). And BOOM – there is the fear of rejection, feeling of abandonment.
Damn and I thought I was handling both of those events *so well.
*Charlie Brown to Snoopy [edited]